I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
