My hand turned me down
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
