I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
