do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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