party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize