thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
