Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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