My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
