Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
