So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
