I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
