it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
