Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
