I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
