there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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