also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
