ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
