I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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