If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize