Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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