If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize