Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
