Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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