escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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