I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
