P.S. I can't hear my feet
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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