We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We don't watch enough power rangers
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
