the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
