I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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