That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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