yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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