I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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