I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
