I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
