i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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