Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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