I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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