so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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