i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
