i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
