Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
