Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
