he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I bet he comes in French.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
