Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
