Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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