I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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