What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
