we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
