I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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