therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
