No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize