ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
