yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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