I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
