dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let's get the cat blown out
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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