Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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