I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
